Why did you have to go and do that?

Now I keep obsessing over having nobody in my bed.

My mother is a terrible person.

You can’t trust her as far as you can throw her fat ass, but if you can throw her, make sure to do it off of a cliff.

Someone please tell me why the nicest thing someone has done for me in a while was open the fucking car door for me.

Am I that fucking hideous, or-

No, but not to sound ungrateful, it was a nice gesture… It’s just that after all of the guys I’ve… we’ll say, “been with”, I shouldn’t be taken aback by something as small as a basic act of chivalry such as opening a god damned fucking car door.

I also shouldn’t still be thinking of it.

Grow the fuck up.

Don’t expect me to change if you can hardly manage to shut your fucking mouth and do the right thing for once.

I don’t ever want to see you again, but not because I hate you…

I can’t see you because if I give you a chance to say you’re sorry, I’ll forgive you… You just don’t know how badly I want to talk to you though, because I promise you don’t know what I’m upset about. I’m not mad it happened. Honestly, one-hundred percent positive, I promise I do not care it happened… I’m upset that everyone knew something that concerned me, but everyone was okay with me not knowing. I’m upset that you did something you thought would hurt my feelings, and didn’t apologize. I’m stressed out about that fact that if you did apologize, I wouldn’t be able to believe it because you’ve never meant those words to me. I am appalled by the fact that I care about you so much, because you truly are one of my friends, but you are the only person I’ve ever met to just beat the living shit out of my  emotions, to completely disregard my feelings and abuse my forgiving and caring nature by taking advantage of the fact that you can openly disrespect me then say fucking sorry and I’ll give you a big hug and cry because I am sorry I got mad at you… I’m a piece of shit, but you are the only person that has ever made me feel that way because most people are grateful of the kindness of others and attempt to keep me around. You, on the other hand, are an ungrateful, selfish, self-absorbed, fucked up little boy, and, fucking get this: I love you, you piece of shit. I feel like there’s something there, I feel like you will be a good person one day and I want to be there to see it. I might be wrong, but I really hope I’m not, because I’m not giving up on you, at least not yet. I’m mad at you for saying what you said to me… But I hurt your feelings and you retaliated. I do expect an insincere apology, though. I just wish you knew that you could have told me, I would not have gotten mad at you. (On a, probably poorly worded, side-note, I would have just been all, “What the fuck, dude. That’s not cool. Make it up to me, buy me shit or something.”… Like, in all honesty.) 

Here’s the run-down: I’m fucking mad that you insulted me, but you’ve turned into a little brother (yeah, I know it’s twisted, bear with me) so I’m not going to hate you for it. We’re going to fight. Pretty much, I want us to still be cool when you grow up, finally. I really hope you don’t read this because then you’ll know the secret to why I always forgive you, but I’ll tell the rest of the world (that I assure you, isn’t sticking around until the end of this): I know it’s my fault you hurt me because I keep letting you… But if I didn’t have complete faith in you not being a douchebag your whole life, I wouldn’t forgive you. I can be firm and I can stop being friends with someone. I will not give up yet… Jesus Christ, if I feel and talk this way about my friends, imagine when I finally fall in love with someone… Yeah, I’m sticking to being an asexual, gelatinous mass. THAT YOU HAD SEX WITH, DUMBASS HAHAHA okay, the end.

If it could just be as simple as eliminating girls, guys, pretty people or fun people from your life…

… This would be so much easier. I’m not sure if it takes more strength to just eliminate friendships or to stick it out and just keep looking for ones worth keeping. There’s also the very grim possibility that what they say is true, and that everyone is going to fuck you over, so you just keep looking for relationships worth keeping, but instead you get these temporarily secure safety nets we call “friends” until they do something so totally intolerable that you have to have another bout of crying and suicidal contemplation (depending on your level of dramatics), get the fuck over it and them, and find new ones… A never ending cycle of shitty fucking people and shitty fucking situations. I guess I’ll just spend the day with my run on sentences and half a pack of butt-cheek crushed cigarettes and consider moving to Mississippi… Southern fucking charm.